Sep 1, 2017

Oestrogen surge

It has been a looooong time since I write here and this time it is driven by my oestrogen surge because it's that time of the month... if you know what I mean.

I'm turning 23 this October- which to me is still so very young, but I don't know why my facebook and instagram timelines are so full with photos of friends or friends of friends getting engaged/married and even expecting!! (Heartiest congratulations to you people by the way!) Like.. is 23 the optimum age to get married or something? And if it is, how can I not know it?!?

I would definitely be lying if I say I'm not affected by this 'phenomenon' but I have to put that feeling aside for now because:

1. I'm still struggling to graduate here- JUST. SEVEN. MORE. MONTHS.
2. I don't think I'm ready. Or maybe I am. To be honest, I don't actually know.

Am I even capable of being a great partner to someone? I am selfish and an ego maniac, how can I become selfless and (expected to) love someone more than I love myself? Do I even love me? I refused to go back to my parents' sometimes just because I don't feel like it. How can I even want to go back to someone else's hometown? Heck, I don't even know my way back to Taiping because all I do in the car is either sleeping or sleeping. Have you heard of all those terrible mother in law stories?! I'm not a good cook- I don't eat veges please don't expect me to know the names. I only know less than 5 types of fish - sardine, salmon, bawal, keli.... oh wait, maybe only 4. I woke up late sometimes. I clean my room/house only on weekends but it turns into a wreckship again after a few hours. I'm not good at keeping track of my expenses. I'm a total mess.

Being in medical field, I always wonder when is the ideal time to settle down. I think everybody knows how competitive it is nowadays because of the huge number of MBBS/MD graduates- which means I definitely have to work a whole lot harder for a place in the system- which means I can't get distracted and screw up. I can't get married now because I'm still a student, if I were to get pregnant; I'm gonna have to miss a lot of classes for appointments/check ups, the morning sickness and not to forget the labour and confinement period. How can I even pass with that many absenteeism? Most probably will have to repeat a WHOLE year (or semester- most of the people call it), financially unsupported by the scholar giver. Same thing if I decided to settle down during housemanship training. For sure need to extend and this will somehow affect my opportunity to sit for the requirement exam when I want to apply to become a specialist later in the future.

I am now 23, will graduate soon (insyaAllah) when I'm 24. Have to wait a bit before starting housemanship probably for 6 months (based on the previous batches). When my 2 years of housemanship done, I'll be 26 years old, this is probably when I will get married. Then of course wanna have honeymoon period with the husband for 2-3 years maybe hehe. But by then, when I want to have a child (emm or maybe children, we'll see), I'll be around 29 years old already. Do you know as the age increases, the risk to have abnormal pregnancy also increases? And around this time, i should be focusing on my exam to become a specialist. How do I juggle between patients, a newborn, husband and studies?  Do you understand the reasons for my worries? Or is it just me overthinking things? How do other people make it look so easy? Can I do it too?

So yea. I really don't know. I guess I just have to go with the flow and see how it is going to be. After all, we plan and He also plans- and He is, the greatest planner of all.

Wouldn't it be nice to have someone who understands, who is  willing to go through all this mess together? You know what, I think I found him.

It has been about three years since we got together. (I think. I don't even remember when or how it started. We just happened.) The period of knowing each other- it matters to me. The longer, the better. You can't just marry anyone you met yesterday  and woke up the next day realizing that you two didn't go well together and part ways and repeat the whole thing again with another person (Yup, you can tell that I'm not a believer of the love after marriage thingy). Never have I ever imagined being with someone who is this close to me. I mean, I have always tried to avoid being with someone whom I met everyday (i.e classmates) because I thought we would get bored of each other very easily and if we somehow broke up, it'd be difficult because how do we move on when we still see each other every other day? It would be awkward righttt?!?

But it's totally different from what I've been imagining. There's never a dull second/moment/day with this one. And I realized that I should have not worry about breaking up at the very first place  because you don't get into a relationship just to worry about it ending. You get into a relationship trying your best to make it lasts, to cherish every moment and that's about it. Other things are just the sugar and spice to make it nice(r). My days are always better when he interferes. He makes me feel good about myself, he makes me a whole lot happier and some other feelings that are indescribable (also because I malas nak tulis ady 😌). Yes, of course there are days when we had misunderstandings and all but that's another thing.

What I love most about being in love is that it always made you try harder in everything that you do. How it  made you  want to be  a better person for yourself  first, then only for the people around you. I hope it's not too early to say that he's the one because I realized that I still have a long way to go. I hope we are both in the right lane. I hope He eases our way.

Jun 28, 2017

Learning Photography Pt.1 - Olympus Pen E-PL7

I recently bought a camera - the Olympus Pen E-PL7
and it's one of the best decisions I've ever made. 

I've always have this thing for photography since high school but I never had the chance to actually try taking photos "artistically". We (my family) once had a camera but..... I broke it. 

Earlier this year, my mom brought me to one camera shop and let me chose a camera. It was a tough decision between a DSLR and two mirrorless cameras. Taking into account that my parents would at times borrow the camera when they go on holidays, i decided to settle for a small-sized, almost compact camera because you know how heavy a DSLR can be, and not to mention the number of buttons that will drive my mom-who-can't-even-operate-a-smartphone crazy. 

The other mirrorless camera was Canon M10. So between the two, as someone who knows nothing about camera, I gravitated more towards Canon because well, it's Canon. I think most of us are more familiar with either Canon and Nikon. I asked for a friend's opinion and he told me to read the reviews first. My bad because I didn't know that we were going to buy a camera, I could have done my 'homework' first. But oh well, I'm not gonna go into details on the differences between the two cameras. 

In this post, I'm going to share the photos I took with my Olympus Pen E-PL7.
I have 2 lenses:

  • Kit lens- M.Zuiko 14-42mm f3.5-5.6
  • Zoom lens- M. Zuiko 40-150mm f4-5.6. 

Most of the time I have my zoom lens on because I think it's very versatile. I can shoot both portraits and (almost) micro with it. But of course, there are always cons in everything and in this case, the zoom lens is pretty hard to work with in small space because I have to be quite far from the subject or else I'll be zoomed in to his/her nostrils hehe. 

The photos are great in their original form but of course some adjustments have to be made. You know, the usuals- exposure, contrast, shadow and temperature . In case of portraiture shots, I sometimes tweak a bit to adjust the color to make the subject/model stand out. I admit I sometimes tend to over edit a photo. Something that I need to learn about more.

Here, I will attach both before and after editing photos taken with the Olympus Pen E-PL7 camera.

Above (Original) / Below (Edited)
1/250 sec, f/5.6, ISO 500, 150mm (Olympus M.Zuiko 40-150mm f4.0-5.6)

Left (Original) / Right (Edited)
1/200 sec, f/5.6, ISO 320, 145mm (Olympus M.Zuiko 40-150mm f4.0-5.6)

Above (Original) / Below (Edited)
1/200 sec, f/4.8, ISO 400, 85mm (Olympus M.Zuiko 40-150mm f4.0-5.6)

Above (Original) / Below (Edited)
1/250 sec, f4.1, ISO 250, 45mm (Olympus M.Zuiko 40-150mm f4.0-5.6)

These are four from thousands of photos that I have taken over the past 3 months. I've created a new instagram account: @ain4lc4ptures. Do visit and give me a follow if you wish to see more photos.

In my next post, I will share some tips that I think useful for me.
Tips from a beginner to another beginner.

I hope you enjoyed this post. Thank you for reading!

May 4, 2017

Rose before bros


This is a scheduled post. I hope by the time this post is up, I'll be on my way to my darling Iejat/Izzati's wedding in Perlis instead of being at the college, having to sit for a viva borderline examination. 

Oh god please don't let it be the latter one.


Me and Iejat, we go waaaaay back. 
We've been really close friends since 2010. We've been there for each other since then, through all the heartbreaks and relationship roller coaster ride. I'm glad that she had finally found THE ONE and gonna start a new life together soon! By soon I meant literally like a few hours from now. Her solemnization ceremony will start after the Friday prayer, which I'm guessing will be at around 1500H.


Back in December 2016, she texted me telling that something great is happening, but she couldn't tell me about it yet. So I waited. And waited. Until one fine day, she told me that she's coming to Ipoh, and that's when we met for the first time after 6 freaking years. I think by now you can already guess, she was here in Ipoh to invite me to her wedding! (Although that was not the main reason but whatever, I'd like to think that it was).

I know, in fact, everybody knows that she'll be a good, scratch that- an AMAZING wife. Like cmonnnn, look at her cooking skills!! They are insane. Knowing how to cook is one thing, being great at it is a bonus (Arsyard, you are one lucky guy). I adore how she's very mature in dealing with problems and other stuffs. Definitely ready to become a wife, to start a family.

I couldn't be any happier for her. 

-

Since the meet up, we've been contacting each other very frequently.

I feel so honored, so touched and overwhelmed because she has put a lot of trust in me (I know I'm not the only person), that she allowed to have a say in choosing---

Which dress is prettier?
Which veil matches the dress?
Which hand bouquet looks more beautiful?
Which design is better for the wedding invitation cards?
Etc etc.

The day has come, and I've worked my ass off to be here today.

It's just that I'm a bit bumped that I couldn't be there to witness her nikah moment but hey I made it to Perlis anyway, so please forgive me.

Your mom would definitely be proud of you, of how beautiful you were in your white wedding dress, of how independent you were in planning and organizing everything. Thank you for including me to be a part of your new phase of life. Wishing you a lifetime of love and happiness.

The paragraph above was from my instagram caption, pasted it here just because I can.
And Iejat, you're now obligated to come to my wedding (whenever that is).
---------------------------------------------------------------

Ok, I didn't manage to complete my post and publish it on April 7th, 0900H as planned (shame on me) but hey I was busy with my final exam. That is not arguable! Now that I have all the time in the world, NOT, I only have less than 10 days left before going back to medschool, but yeah, I will try to complete and publish as many drafts as I can. No, this is not a promise. 

I finished my exam on the 4th, and the result came out three days after that which was the same day as Iejat's solemnization ceremony. I reaaalllyyy reaaallyyy wanted to be there for her during her akad moment since it is the most important and meaningful part of a marriage but I decided to go a bit later just in case I had to sit for viva exam that morning. (Hint: I didn't have to)

I hopped on the train to Arau, Perlis at 1530H. I had mixed feelings- anxious and excited at the same time. Anxious because the result was still not out at that time and obviously thrilled because I got to see my good friends that I haven't seen since we left highschool.

At exactly 1630H, my notification window was flooded with messages regarding the exam result. Alhamdulillah, all the hardwork paid off. I PASSED! My anxiety all gone, I'm all pumped up for the wedding, woohoo!! Atho, Izzy, Aqish and Shake fetched me up from the train station when I arrived and I had a great night with the ladies. The wedding was definitely a great start to my one month holiday (which now is about to end, sobs).

Here's a snippet of the wedding, I hope you enjoy it.