Jul 23, 2018

Getting a grip

This happened a while ago.

I had troubles sleeping.

When I laid in bed, all the lights off
and I tried to close my eyes,

I suddenly became so conscious of my breathing.
Instead of involuntarily breathing in and out,
I had to tell my self to do so.

I didn't have any difficulty but I somehow felt some tightness on my chest.

When I finally fell asleep,
I became apnoeic and it startled me and woke me up.

Was it anxiety that I was having?
It was surely a terrible, terrible feeling.

I had no idea why this happened.
What was the stressor?

Maybe because it was my first week as a final year student.
Because I needed to be really good at whatever I was doing.
Because I was only one step away to be the person between the patient and their grave.
Just maybe.

Grateful that this this only lasted for about a week as I finally managed to pull myself together.

This was only the first week as a final year student.
Can you imagine the emotional hurricane that I will have to endure during housemanship?

This is the kind of feeling that I pray to God, to never ever have to feel again.
May He give me all the strength I needed.

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