Jul 23, 2018

Getting a grip

This happened a while ago.

I had troubles sleeping.

When I laid in bed, all the lights off
and I tried to close my eyes,

I suddenly became so conscious of my breathing.
Instead of involuntarily breathing in and out,
I had to tell my self to do so.

I didn't have any difficulty but I somehow felt some tightness on my chest.

When I finally fell asleep,
I became apnoeic and it startled me and woke me up.

Was it anxiety that I was having?
It was surely a terrible, terrible feeling.

I had no idea why this happened.
What was the stressor?

Maybe because it was my first week as a final year student.
Because I needed to be really good at whatever I was doing.
Because I was only one step away to be the person between the patient and their grave.
Just maybe.

Grateful that this this only lasted for about a week as I finally managed to pull myself together.

This was only the first week as a final year student.
Can you imagine the emotional hurricane that I will have to endure during housemanship?

This is the kind of feeling that I pray to God, to never ever have to feel again.
May He give me all the strength I needed.

Jun 10, 2018

Life As A Medical Student - THE END

[May 9, 2018]

Final Year Professional Exam 2:
12/4/18 - 18/4/18

Results announced:

Oath Taking Ceremony / Mini Convocation:

Alhamdulillah, all praises to Allah,
I have officially graduated from medschool on May 4th 2018.
After five looooong years, the journey has come to an end.
Indeed, it feels so surreal.

  • How do I feel now?

I have mixed feelings.
Grateful, because I passed the exam.
Happy, because I've graduated.
Sad, because this means goodbye between me and my friends.
Scared, because I'm not sure if I can handle the stress and responsibilities once I've started working.

  • What's my current plan?

I will start my two weeks-prehouseman/houseman shadowing program on May 14th in Surgical department- which is also going to be in Ramadhan. Let's pray together so that I wouldn't go into hypoglycaemic state every single day. I will try my very best to learn and grab all the opportunities that I can which may become handy for my real housemanship life later.

After raya, I'm planning to take Mandarin class so that I can converse better with my patients especially the elderlies but you know what, I had also planned to read my surgical textbook before starting my pre-HO rotation but that didn't happen so we will see about that hahaha.


  • Find the best photographer available for our official UniKL convocation in October.
  • Plan a vacation with my girl gang before we all went separate ways for real.
  • Gain weight and actually learn how to cook proper meal.

I actually have a lot of things in mind for me to do during the waiting time, but I'm gonna need to sit down, make a list and plan properly first.

[June 10, 2018]

Done with my pre-HO and it wasn't that bad at all.

Current life situation is getting everything sorted out: filling forms for job application and stuffs and also taking care of my cats, especially Biyu whom just got diagnosed with urinary stones.

It's the last five days of Ramadhan, Alhamdulillah for another year. How is my raya preparation? Well, weirdly enough, this year's raya is the one that I felt least excited for I'm not sure why. Probably because I've been home for a few weeks now. I mean, there's no 'balik kampung' excitement. Baju raya? Well, we had Along's wedding celebration last three months so we had a few pairs of new bajus already (color-coordinated some more) so yea, just gonna recycle em for raya because why not. Oh and yay, to the new addition in the family- Kak Linda. Hopefully raya will be a lot merrier.

That is all for now. Have a happy and blissful Ramadhan everyone.
Gros bisous.

Mar 2, 2018

Life update March 2018

I know, I know... I did it again.
I had left this blog un-updated for the longest time now. 
So here's a quick update.

Currently counting down to the biggest exam in my medschool journey-
Second Professional Exam for final year student :

I had all the things that have happened in the past few months in drafts but never get the time to actually finish all and hit that publish button. No worries, will complete that soon after I've finished with all these studying stuffs. 

For the time being, let me put this here-
A conversation that I had with someone, who is actually my junior in college. 
This is so highschool-ish but whatever, just for fun. So here goes.

1. Your full name — bcs I tend to forget people’s name sorry! It's Ainal Syafiqah bt Mohamad Ridzuan . My friends call me ainal. Old people call me syafiqah 😂 and I often had to spell out my name bcs people always thought it's aina instead of Ainal. And I often typo-ed my name to Anal..... 2. Date of birth & place of birth 22/10/94 @ taiping 3. How do you see yourself in 10 years? Most probably still skeleton-thin. I'll be 33, Hopefully a good and safe dr. A specialist insyaAllah (which I haven't decided yet on which specialty to go for). 4. Fav genre of music? Depending on the mood. I can swing 360 from black metal to hafiz hamidun zikir real fast 😂 I don't really listen to music much nowadays and I don't even know why. 5. What is your biggest fear? I can't pin point to a specific one but currently: failing the second pro exam and had a major breakdown and not being able to go through that phase. Others: Not becoming competent enough to serve the patients Losing my cats & parents & brothers Not having my friends attending my wedding (whenever that is) because they are all too busy 6. What is your biggest dream? I just want to be successful, happy and look fabulous all the time 😂 7. If you have the choice to change any fate in your life what would it be? I don't think I'd wanna change anything because I'm here, still doing fine (at least that's what i kept telling myself), so I guess i'd made pretty good decisions so far. 9. What do you like about yourself? I like that i am funny (mostly hambar but whatever💁🏻‍♀️) that I can always put a smile on people's face 10. What advice you’ll give to 15 years old you? - To not 'kacau' this one junior and asked her to be my pet sister hahaha. - Stick with the real friends. Don't get too carried away and succumbed to being in a clique. Don't try so hard to fit in. - Be with those who like me for who i am. - What other people think of me does not matter at all. - Study harder

if anyone is reading this, please pray for me and my friends to pass our exam. thank you!