The Man I'm Marrying

If you are a real og (ha gittew), you must've read my old posts and noticed the names of the boys that I used to have feelings for (oh the cinta monyet phase), how 2 years ago I wished I got married to my then partner which didn't workout because of the distance between us but mostly because I'm an asshole. 

Today, I'm writing about the man that I'm actually marrying.

If you're expecting to read a romantic love story like the one in the movies, I'm sorry. I'm a house officer, I don't have a life outside of the hospital sobs but anyways, here how it went about (not that anybody asked).

I was the medical peri houseman who was reviewing patients in ICU and he was the anaes MO oncall that day. I didn't know him, I didn't even know his name. He came up to me and said something about the patient I was reviewing but I really didn't pay much attention to him because I was rushing to finish my review so I just nodded (like whatever, sorry not sorry) - that was the first time we (almost) had a conversation. 

The second time, he was oncall again, and it was Ramadhan. I had a patient in ICU whom we wanted to rule out COVID. Had his swab result back when I was about to break fast and I needed to make an entry regarding his result, so to the ICU I went. Since everyone was in the pantry eating, I thought I was alone. But.... there he was, seemingly like he wanted to say something to me... and he did.

"Asking for a friend, are you still single? Or do you already have a special someone?"

ASKING FOR A FRIEND huh
But I didn't reply him.

Fast forward to after Raya, he found me on instagram and he said hi. We sometimes bumped into each other when we went for a run at the lake - Taiping is really that tiny. And we also went out once- to Ipoh for lunch and just casual talk. TOTALLY NOT A DATE.

Two weeks later, he manned up and talked to my abang ngah on wANTinG to gET tO KnOW mE BeTTer, and then went to meet my parents, all within 1 month. 

That photo on the top right side of this blog, the photo of me in mint green baju kurung holding a flower bouquet in my right hand - was taken on our engagement day on August 30th 2020. After knowing each other for about two months plus.

Isn't everything is  just going on too fast? 

Maybe.

But we're okay with it, we're so so comfortable with each other (despite the VERY short duration of knowing one another) and we're not having any second thoughts whatsoever so yeah. 

Those who know me know that I'm very much career oriented, that I put my career first, that I'm not planning on getting married before I passed my Master exam. But there was this one day, when he and I were taking a stroll around the lake, and he stopped- holding his hand out, bending a bit, you know, as if he's holding a child's hand - and said "One of my dreams is walking and enjoying nature like this while holding my baby's hand" 

And all those things that I've set my mind to just... I don't know, just vanished? I immediately felt like I've never been this ready. Like, let's do this. Let's just drop everything and get married. Yeah, like that.

Him, to me - is the right person who came at the right time. I love everything about him (EVERYTHING) and I really couldn't ask for a better man. 

As I am writing this today on December 28th 2020, we are 67 days away until our wedding day.

Preparing for a wedding is so much work but I've got it under control (of course with the help of my family and fiance). Not the bridezilla everyone expected me to be heh? *smirking* Or maybe- not yet. Welp.

Everything is going well so far except for the fact that it's back to movement control order (MCO/PKP) again. If it lasted til March, then maybe we will only be having our akad nikah sesh at the office which is a total bummer but since it's really not under my control, the best thing I can do now is pray, and just hope for the best. We shall just follow the flow and see how things will be later.

Otherwise, 

Wedding attires - checked

Wedding venue and wedding dais - checked

Henna - checked

Photographer - checked

I guess that's about it. 

This was taken on the day that I changed my mind.
Pretty sure he definitely has no idea what it meant to me haha. 

Initially scheduled this to be posted on our wedding day but posting it now just because.

Here's to our own happily ever after.

Getting a grip

This happened a while ago.

I had troubles sleeping.

When I laid in bed, all the lights off
and I tried to close my eyes,

I suddenly became so conscious of my breathing.
Instead of involuntarily breathing in and out,
I had to tell my self to do so.

I didn't have any difficulty but I somehow felt some tightness on my chest.

When I finally fell asleep,
I became apnoeic and it startled me and woke me up.

Was it anxiety that I was having?
It was surely a terrible, terrible feeling.

I had no idea why this happened.
What was the stressor?

Maybe because it was my first week as a final year student.
Because I needed to be really good at whatever I was doing.
Because I was only one step away to be the person between the patient and their grave.
Just maybe.

Grateful that this this only lasted for about a week as I finally managed to pull myself together.

This was only the first week as a final year student.
Can you imagine the emotional hurricane that I will have to endure during housemanship?

This is the kind of feeling that I pray to God, to never ever have to feel again.
May He give me all the strength I needed.

Life As A Medical Student - THE END

[May 9, 2018]

Final Year Professional Exam 2:

12/4/18 - 18/4/18

Results announced:

20/4/18

Oath Taking Ceremony / Mini Convocation:

4/5/18

Alhamdulillah, all praises to Allah,
I have officially graduated from medschool on May 4th 2018.
After five looooong years, the journey has come to an end.
Indeed, it feels so surreal.

• How do I feel now?

I have mixed feelings.
Grateful, because I passed the exam.
Happy, because I've graduated.
Sad, because this means goodbye between me and my friends.
Scared, because I'm not sure if I can handle the stress and responsibilities once I've started working.

• What's my current plan?

I will start my two weeks-prehouseman/houseman shadowing program on May 14th in Surgical department- which is also going to be in Ramadhan. Let's pray together so that I wouldn't go into hypoglycaemic state every single day. I will try my very best to learn and grab all the opportunities that I can which may become handy for my real housemanship life later.

After raya, I'm planning to take Mandarin class so that I can converse better with my patients especially the elderlies but you know what, I had also planned to read my surgical textbook before starting my pre-HO rotation but that didn't happen so we will see about that hahaha.


Also:

• Find the best photographer available for our official UniKL convocation in October.
• Plan a vacation with my girl gang before we all went separate ways for real.
• Gain weight and actually learn how to cook proper meal.

I actually have a lot of things in mind for me to do during the waiting time, but I'm gonna need to sit down, make a list and plan properly first.


[June 10, 2018]

Done with my pre-HO and it wasn't that bad at all.

Current life situation is getting everything sorted out: filling forms for job application and stuffs and also taking care of my cats, especially Biyu whom just got diagnosed with urinary stones.

It's the last five days of Ramadhan, Alhamdulillah for another year. How is my raya preparation? Well, weirdly enough, this year's raya is the one that I felt least excited for I'm not sure why. Probably because I've been home for a few weeks now. I mean, there's no 'balik kampung' excitement. Baju raya? Well, we had Along's wedding celebration last three months so we had a few pairs of new bajus already (color-coordinated some more) so yea, just gonna recycle em for raya because why not. Oh and yay, to the new addition in the family- Kak Linda. Hopefully raya will be a lot merrier.

That is all for now. Have a happy and blissful Ramadhan everyone.
Gros bisous.