I'm a little worn out and emotionally exhausted.
Why is my life so messed up?
It has been a month. I have so many things in my mind, swirling around in my brain that i can't sleep, i can't do anything. When i'm laying in bed, trying to sleep, tiba-tiba semua benda datang serbu kepala. All at once! "Kenapa macam tu, kenapa macam ni. Kalau la macam tu, kalau la macam ni"....
Tutup lampu as early as 12am, pukul 4 pagi baru tertidur. And guess what, all the serabut-ness datang even masa tengah tidur! Not as nightmares. I don't know how to say this, dia macam i mimpi banyak banyak benda sekaligus. I'm so tired. I rather have nightmares, mimpi jatuh gaung or whatever.
I once tried to tak tidur the whole night, dengan harapan, the next day bila nak tidur, senang je sebab i would be too sleepy to even think about a single thing. Tapi tak pun. I slept at around 1330h macamtu, still got the serabut dream. Terjaga, tidur balik, and sambung mimpi serabut. Terjaga, tidur balik, and sambung mimpi serabut. Terjaga, tidur balik, and sambung mimpi serabut. Terjaga, tidur balik, and sambung mimpi serabut. It went on and on and on. And masa terjaga-terjaga tu, I bukannya mamai. I am fully conscious. Fikir pasal the dream I had. Check notifications on my phone. Check on the time, lepastu sambung tidur. Entah la. Faham tak penat dia macam mana? I can go crazy like this.
I'm not over-reacting over what happened. I'm not exaggerating. I'm just... I don't know. I don't know. I guess i just have to give up. (If you guys ((who knew about what happened)) are reading this, please tell me not to. Please)
I miss you a lot every night and day.